Movie reviews — Mostmortem Reviews

Ogling Inward: Evil Toons (1992)

The film’s level of self-awareness indicates that director Fred Olen Ray is gazing not only at breasts but also at himself.

Hard on the Heroine: The Maze (1953)

Despite bad manners and even worse omens, Kitty still tries to discover why her estranged fiancé spends his evenings wandering a topiary maze.

Rich Soil: Children of the Corn - Runaway (2018)

I heartily commend the decision to lavish funds upon a franchise that has sustained itself for some time on modest budgets.

Unpleasant Tenant: Day of the Dead - Bloodline (2018)

Max expresses his affections as any lovelorn fellow might, ensuring that he and his beloved are regularly forced into uncomfortably close confines and carving her name rather skillfully into his arm.

Deeply Committed: Unsane (2018)

The entire production was filmed on a “smart” telephone, a model that I understand is quite popular.

Deadly Digit: Netherworld (1992)

Like so many Full Moon movies, it projects the scrappy charm of a young schoolboy who has hastily assembled his big presentation only the night before it was due.

Monster Mash-Up: Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943)

Even if you’re a lycanthrope or an ungodly amalgamation of corpse pieces, it can be awfully nice to meet new people every once in a while.

Cenobite Coworkers: Hellraiser - Judgement (2018)

Not content with mere chains and hooks, they treat their victims to interrogation, regurgitation, evisceration and non-consensual licking.

Stationary, Blind and Venerable: Cauldron of Blood (1970)

The colors are lush, the interiors are ornate and the relationships are unhealthy.

Stormy Brevity: Mom and Dad (2017)

Any moviegoer saddened by the slow erosion of Nicolas Cage’s mania will have much cause for celebration.

Oozing Empathy: The Incredible Melting Man (1977)

The languid approach leaves one ample time to admire the work of the film’s true star, special effects artist Rick Baker.

Agressive Hospitality: 2001 Maniacs (2005)

Pleasant Valley fosters a secret cannibal culture that seems to mostly eat heads, which admittedly does provide a certain dramatic flair when the dinner bell is rung.

Creature Catering: The Pit (1981)

You may think me a doddering “coot” bemoaning the eroding morals of young people today but I simply cannot abide by meat thieving, attempted livestock appropriation or murder by shoving.

The Comforts of Home: Manhattan Baby (1982)

While fans of agonizingly gradual eye punctures may have to look elsewhere for their gory treats, anyone intimately familiar with Fulci will delight in this stylistic departure that speaks so clearly to his own fear of departures.

Demi-Gremlin: Munchies (1987)

Some might find Munchies to be nothing more than a shameless Gremlins imitation but I would argue that it fills a a yawning void in in contemporary cinema -- namely, that there are only two Gremlins movies.

Advertising Behemoth: Prometheus (2012)

I can't help but exclaim by breathless wonder at its contents, for Prometheus is certainly the most impressive and comprehensive trailer I have ever seen.

Multiplying Maniacs: Cult of Chucky (2017)

Ms. Dourif is no mere child parading around in her father’s garb while he’s off at work.

A Bleating Animal: House of the Dead (2003)

And this is the root of Uwe Bowl’s genius -- by depriving me of my most basic expectations, I was reduced to my basest self.

Stubborn Supernatural Scofflaw: The First Power (1990)

Most murders would be thoroughly stymied by being dead and might give up on the whole enterprise entirely -- but not our Patrick!