Exclusively Poetry: Leprechaun In The Hood (2000)
My dear readers, while I think it is a bit uncouth to go about discussing the finer points of one’s personal finances, the Hauntedhouse lineage has produced a number of self-made individuals and I believe their tales of entrepreneurial success are worthy of recollection. To provide but one example, my distant Aunt Bridget Hauntedhouse made a substantial sum of money producing mannequins for storefront displays at a time when the concept was relatively novel. Though competition could be a bit fierce in those early days, old Bridget consistently strode ahead of her fellow mannequin merchants. She was known for her insistence that each one was special and distinctive, possessed of their own dreams and personalities just like their animated counterparts. It was an approach that her clients found rather charming right up until the point where she committed herself to one of them in marriage. This unconventional union produced much judgemental tittle-tattle to be sure, but I suspect that in the end old Bridget had the last laugh. Their matrimonial union was happier than many in her time and while some people in the community were rather unsettled at their ability to produce children, I am told that their offspring were quite handsome and as well behaved as one could hope, if a little on the quiet side.
Smoking with homicidal leprechauns may be hazardous to your health
Mack Daddy O’Nasses (Ice-T) knows all about coming into one’s wealth by unusual means. Though he is a burglar by trade, he decides to transition into a different career when he comes across a bountiful cache of riches. Initially, he meets with some resistance from the treasure’s original owner -- a homicidal leprechaun (Warwick Davis) with a particular distaste for thievery. But Mack Daddy is able to immobilize him with an enchanted necklace that turns its wearer to stone. Twenty years later, Mack Daddy has become an influential music producer, a position he has earned by wisely investing his pilfered gains and honing his ear for talent. It also helped that the leprechaun’s treasure included a magical flute that, when played, holds all who hear it in a hypnotic state. Undeniably a handy item in many a profession and certainly of particular use to professional entertainers.
The success of Mack Daddy O’Nasses attracts all sorts of aspiring “hip-hop” artists, including one trio led by Postmaster P. (Anthony Montgomery). This Postmaster fellow insists on making music with positive, moral-minded messages and is not too keen on songs that celebrate roughhousing or promiscuity. He is possessed of much artistic integrity and is somewhat incensed when Mack Daddy suggests that he emulate some of the genre’s more aggressive contributors. To demonstrate just how distasteful he finds Mack Daddy’s set of values, he and his compatriots decide to burgle the former burglar. However, unaware of the consequences of removing certain articles of jewelry from the premises, one of the musicians displaces the enchanted necklace and returns the leprechaun to his original fleshy form. The little chap is none too pleased with being used as decor for the last two decades, and is equally piqued by all these folks making use of his valuables. And so the leprechaun sets out to retrieve his property, hacking his way through a number of local characters while treating victims to his signature rhyming verse.
The leprechaun’s substantial wealth leaves some people green-eyed
Leprechaun in the Hood is the fifth installment in the Leprechaun series and the central villain has had quite a set of adventures so far. Starting from humble beginnings, with but a cabin and Jennifer Aniston, the leprechaun managed to earn himself a more grandiose sequel. From there, he departed to the glitz and glamor of Las Vegas before exploring the far reaches of the galaxy. But it seems this progress towards greater spectacle has led to some share of disappointment with the ultimate direction of the franchise. After having ascended into outer space, some moviegoers seem to think that using a financially disadvantaged neighborhood as a primary setting is a somewhat ignoble plunge. I am ashamed to admit that I have even seen peers of mine in the critical community adopting this dismissive view. I, for one, can hardly see the issue. Aside from a general spirit of avarice, the only consistency in the Warwick Sextet is the leprechaun’s unwavering dedication to rhyming speech patterns. While it might not seem as majestic as the cosmos, the setting for Leprechaun in the Hood introduces its mischievous murderer to the world of hip-hop, a musical genre that has significant overlap with the leprechaun’s verbal tendencies. Truly, I cannot imagine a more fitting environment for a slasher villain who speaks exclusively in poetry. While he may have reached the stars in the previous chapter, the eponymous “hood” is perhaps his most befitting setting to date.
Leprechaun In The Hood runs 90 minutes and is rated R for strong violence and gore, pervasive language, drug use and some sexual content.
