My dear readers, while I believe that conceiving the basis of one’s diet should not consume a great amount of time and energy, I could not help but concur when my sweet Penny Dee noted that our meals have become somewhat routine as of late. The strength of Penny’s discontent reached new heights this week, and she even went so far as to suggest that we could add a little “zest.” Though it makes me terribly uncomfortable to hear her use such risqué language before our wedding night, I nevertheless took it upon myself to introduce some novelty into our dining experience. Luckily, I was able to find a service that delivers unusual ingredients by post. Their advertising literature devoted considerable space to the surprise element of the items sent and even after signing up they remained rather vague about what one might expect. Our first parcel arrived earlier this week and I fear I committed a blunder in not unpacking the thing straight away, as whatever was inside seems to have burrowed out the bottom of and carved a decent-sized hole in the base of the stairwell. Though the present situation makes me unable to comment on its flavor, many a brainy culinary type has insisted that one eats with their eyes first. With this in mind, I can happily report that through our glimpses inside the burrow we have sampled beady eyes, a few scales and great profusion of limbs. The episode has made me feel like quite the gourmand.

The Temptress (Cynthia Bond) is also familiar with expanding the old palate. It is an ancient creature, one whose charge is to keep the human soul in check by dragging it through the muck every so often. It does this by assuming the form of a beautiful woman and drawing in men with the promise of a romantic liaison, only to debase or devour them once they have a bit of privacy. This is all done in an effort to keep humankind in a fallen state and for the most part, the Temptress is not particularly ambitious in its work, preying on fellows with a fair amount of preexisting corruption. Philanderers and callous “ladies men” who seem to have flouted conventional morality without any outside assistance make up the bulk of its diet, all of them sourced from the same New York City pub. The Temptress may not go very far or try terribly hard to fulfill its purpose but at least it seems perfectly content with this life of tractable targets.

But the Temptress forgoes its leisurely approach to befouling humanity once she meets Joel (James Bond III). As the last of his ancestral line, Joel is expected to follow his father’s footsteps and pursue a career in the proselytizing arts. He has known nothing but the peace of pastoral life, abstains from all intoxicants and maintains fairly conservative views on the acceptability of premarital relations. For whatever reason, the Temptress invests an unusual amount of effort in attempting to blemish the spiritual record of this earnest young man. And although it is able to conceal the libidinous, liquor-quaffing persona it exhibits for most of its victims, Joel still proves to be uncommonly resistant to its charms. To make matters even more difficult, the Temptresses’ habit of turning bar patrons into a buffet has attracted the suspicions of Joel’s brother “K” (Kadeem Hardison) and a law enforcement officer who specializes in supernatural homicide (Bill Nunn.)

When it comes to an occult classification, the antagonistic force of Def By Temptation can be a bit elusive. The most obvious solution would be to call the Temptress a succubus, what with the name and the seducing and all that sort of thing. Then, of course, there are peers of mine in the critical community who prefer to think of the Temptress as a vampire, as it does not seem overly fond of crucifixes and does not bother showing up in reflective surfaces. And finally, on the rare occasion when the creature steps out of its human disguise, it is really anyone’s guess as to what is going on underneath. But despite any confusion that these conflicting elements may produce, I believe the answer lies with the film’s most seasoned supernatural source, who says that the creature, “can only be referred to as it.” I think settles the matter quite nicely -- writer, producer, director and star James Bond the 3rd has imagined an entirely new sort of creature, one to whom conventional labels may not apply. Some may see a demon and others may swear it is a vampire but in reality none of these terms are appropriate and may even be offensive.

While casting himself as a man irresistible to the very personification of temptation may not have been the most modest artistic decision, Mr. Bond’s other creative instincts gave life to a creature who cannot be constrained by easy identification, a most encouraging addition to the more traditional horror movie monstrosities. It just goes to show that not everyone fits into people's preconceived notions about fanged soul spoilers.

Def By Temptation runs 95 minutes and is rated R.