Expert Counsel: Girl on the Third Floor (2019)
My dear readers, though I would go crimson with shame if this publication were to devolve into a roster of personal boasts, I feel it is frightfully relevant to mention that I showed some scholastic promise early on and both my parents and instructors expected great things from me. Alas, my accomplishments did not dazzle as much as some had anticipated, an outcome for which I certainly bear much of the blame. I possessed a somewhat distractible nature and would often devote all my time to subjects outside the regular curriculum. But there were other factors that may have corrupted my studies. I often found my concentration undercut by frequent practical jokes from my schoolmates. A little gentle ribbing is a common enough rite of passage but it could also be quite distracting, as they would sometimes make my composition books leak pints of blood or cause the words on exams to swirl around until they formed strange and vulgar passages. Even to this day, I cannot say just how the clever chaps pulled off these little gags. But amusing as they no doubt were, the unfortunate consequence was that my marks were not quite as high as anticipated.
Don weathers the indignities of home repair rather well
Don Koch (Phil “C.M. Punk” Brooks) is quite familiar with failing to live up to the expectations of others. He is a former Chicago resident who has somewhat rapidly abandoned city life for a large house in a small town. Don has a child on the way and a bit of extra space just seems to make sense. Also, all signs point to some catastrophic professional downfall, one which may have hastened his urban departure. To start off this newfound existence, Don has decided to renovate his family’s new residence all by himself. With his trusty tool belt and a loyal hound at his side, he does his able best. Despite his sturdy build and “gung-ho” attitude, Don is not a professional laborer. Perhaps this is why he is not alarmed by the sight of electrical outlets oozing viscous fluids or put off by plunging his hand into a wall that appears to be little more than black patches of sticky rot. It also explains his rather slow progress and general lack of success.
Renovation proves to be but one area in which Don does not seem to emerge triumphant. Apparently the man had been nipping at the old bottle a bit too often and promised his missus to lay off the stuff. Unfortunately, all of this unsupervised time in an empty house allows him to violate this pledge with some frequency. Also, as an expectant father, one hopes that Don would avoid romantic liaisons with strange women who appear in his backyard. And yet despite the conspicuous injudiciousness of this activity, he engages in it all the same. Ultimately, Don decides that being unfaithful to his pregnant wife just the once was perfectly satisfactory and declines when Sarah Yates (Sarah Brooks), the young lady in question, stops round for an encore performance. But Sarah proves rather resistant to rejection, demonstrating a penchant for violence and a connection to Don’s domicile that may make her somewhat difficult to remove.
Some house issues cannot be addressed with spackle and paint
While I must confess that I am not personally acquainted with this affliction, a number of newspaper humorists and “stand-up” comedians have lead me to believe that men often have difficulty with consulting outside sources. Rather than asking for directions or phoning a proper plumber, some men stubbornly insist that their tenacity shall see the day through to satisfaction. Girl on the Third Floor drives home the troubling implications of this attitude, and reflects most clearly how disastrous it can be when one refuses the counsel of experts. A more open attitude most certainly would have aided Don with his construction efforts and saved him a great deal of needless strain. But it might just as well have helped in other areas of his life -- issues with chemical dependency and supernatural oppression, for example. Whether overcoming alcoholism, overhauling a property or expelling the ghost of a murdered prostitute, going alone is not always the best route. Humbling though it may be, sometimes professional guidance is required.
Girl on the Third Floor runs 93 minutes and does not possess a certified rating in the United States.
