Cheeky Swipe: Pet Sematary (2019)
My dear readers, at the risk of seeming as though I am using what is meant to be a serious piece of critical journalism as a platform for boasting about my pedigree, I feel it is relevant to mention that ingenuity is a quality that has always run in the Hauntedhouses. My great uncle Morton Hauntedhouse, to provide but one example, made his fortune in farming and was quite proud of a distinctive irrigation system that he cooked up all on his own. He kept his methods secret from the public but nearby agronomists claimed that Morton’s unconventional approach to watering the crops led him to harvest his wheat in a unique spiral formation. I am told that when seen from great heights, the spirals seemed to move of their own accord and their hypnotic undulations drove some men to obsession and madness. He is also said to have invented a thresher operated by wild hares, though I believe that was somewhat less successful.
A feature that some realtors would feel compelled to point out
Louis (Jason Clarke) knows a thing or two about unusual landscaping features. He and his wife Rachel (Amy Seimetz) have just moved into a new house and apparently were not overly inquisitive about the scope of their property. They are quite surprised to learn that their estate includes a massive gravesite for departed pets, one that has evidently been used by the surrounding community for generations. This pet “semetary” is an awfully handy thing to have in one’s own backyard and the family discovers a use for it when their beloved cat Church finds itself in direct conflict with a speeding truck. Louis and Rachel’s daughter Ellie (Jeté Laurence) was particularly found of Church and seeing the young girl’s affection for the deceased beast, friendly neighbor Jud (John Lithgow) invites Louis to bury the pet at the nearby cemetery under his supervision.
Despite some urgent ghostly warnings not to go mucking about on the grounds, Louis pushes on. Jud’s burial procedure is highly specific and Louis cannily suspects that all this strange business might not just be about properly disposing of remains. As fans of the original installments will undoubtedly recall, the soil in this particular graveyard possesses an unusually restorative quality that brings the dead back to an aggressive approximation of their living selves. Though the formerly expired Church manages to make it home in one piece, there are some rather obvious signs that he may no longer be the loving feline he one was. And yet despite Church’s troubling personality shift and repeated supernatural messages urging him to avoid the place, Louis still finds himself pondering the pet cemetery’s unique qualities when young Ellie meets with an untimely demise.
Almost as good as new
This newly imagined version of Pet Semetary makes a forceful attempt to separate itself from its cinematic predecessors. The allure of undead children and spinal meningitis has not deteriorated much in the years since director Mary Lamebrt gave fans of Stephen King’s novel their first two visits to this misspelled resting ground and those elements have been faithfully preserved. But narratively speaking, directors Kevin Kölsch and Dennis Widmyer make every effort to take a distinctive route to reach the same cursed locale. They are aided by what seems to be a healthier helping of funding than what the initial films were allotted. While the production itself is sleek, the resurrected parties that the ground manages to cough up are a little rough-hewn. Ellie’s sinister conversation and fresh from the grave appearance make her a slightly less appealing replacement than the ones featured in the original film.
By creating this contrast, Mr. Kölsch and Mr. Widmyer exploit the benefits of being a well-financed Hollywood horror feature while simultaneously taking a cheeky swipe at them. Simply because a studio is willing to toss money at a “reboot” does not mean the output will improve.
Pet Sematary runs 101 minutes and is rated R for horror violence, bloody images and some language.
