Indiscreet Excretions: The Cleanse (2016)
My dear readers, though I cannot claim to embrace the practices of the health-minded set with any degree of frequency, I do agree that taking some time to alter one’s typical intake and surroundings can have a markedly good effect. From time to time I find myself a little dusty upstairs and badly in need of a clean sweep. On those occasions I retire to a small property in the countryside that my sweet Penny Dee and I maintain and here I admire nature in its untended form, read in quiet solitude and drain the fluid that accumulates in great quantities at the base of my cranium. The restorative effect of these sojourns is a powerful testament to the benefits of meditative expeditions and at times I leave our country estate feeling positively buoyant.
Paul does not suffer from an excess of skepticism
This alleviating sensation has recently eluded Paul (Johnny Galecki), who's going through a patch of the old ennui. He spends his evenings furtively consuming merit-free food products and aimlessly searching the internet for psychological aid. Though once a man in possession of a fiancée and a promising career, he has since lost both and his doldrums have become a dominant feature. As luck would have it, he is roused from slumber one evening by a commercial for a completely free retreat that offers answers for the lost and rejuvenation for the weary. There are a number of unsettling aspects to this pro bono woodland excursion and even the most desperate of seekers might rightly raise their hand in inquisitive protest over the program’s inscrutable application process, severely worded liability waiver and suspicious methodology.
But Paul is a hapless and good natured sort who opts to ignore any signs of the ominous once he learns that Maggie (Anna Friel), a young woman who has caught his eye, has been admitted to the program. One unadvertised side effect of this particular health regimen is that the participants expel a living being, a sentient composite of all the individual’s worst qualities. This stage of the journey is called the “elimination process” and it does not require any great leaps of imagination to predict what occurs during the final stage, unambiguously referred to as “termination.” Paul manages to cough up quite the little fellow and though Maggie isn’t as quick to strike up an acquaintance with a regurgitated manifestation of her deepest anxieties, the two eventually bond with their excretions despite the being well aware of the euphemism-free term for the program’s last step.
The "termination" phase is supposedly quite cathartic
Though I wouldn’t hasten to contest the veracity of the claim that man is the greatest monster of them all, my desire to see creatures brought to life on screen sometimes leads me to disappointment when man’s monstrosity is the sole focus of a horror feature. I am more than pleased that a movie has managed to tackle this theme while still including actual monsters. The film’s semi-human offspring are surprisingly dear looking things given all the ill they are meant to represent and while much of the film has the breezy feeling of a fantastical comedy, the traumatic conclusion cements its place rather firmly in the horror genre.
Admittedly, The Cleanse sometimes feels a little brisk with the inner lives of its characters for a movie about literally banishing personal demons. Though it certainly doesn’t coast on the novelty of its premise, the film offers fairly glancing examinations of the psychic turmoil that birthed the protagonist's adorable little burdens. But these gaps are mostly papered over by fine performances from the leading pair. The audience may never be intimately acquainted with Paul and Maggie but at least their players seem to be.
The Cleanse runs 81 minutes and is rated R for language, including some sexual references.
