My dear readers, I have always thought it among the most admirable of qualities to be able to maintain a sunny disposition when the going gets rather rough. I suppose this characteristic is part of what drew me to my Sweet Penny Dee, as I have often seen her weather emotional storms with admirable poise and optimism. I imagine her attitude can be partially attributed to her mother, who even to this day is able to provide a charming adage to match any situation. One that particularly influenced Penny in her youth was about how when life provides one with lemons, one should turn them into some sort of sugary beverage. It is a most sensible approach to the reception of lemons and, I believe, a healthy metaphor for approaching mental wellness. I believe Penny’s mother also used to tack on something at the end about lacing this concoction with a mixture of sow’s ear and shadow grass, and using it to narcotize one’s enemies into a state some people have called “the waking death.” But I believe the important part is that first bit about the lemons and the chipper outlook they encourage.

Lynn Roman (Bobbie Bresee) is deeply familiar with maintaining a cheery disposition in the face of adversity. Lynn is a star of the silver screen who has found her career stalled by the seemingly unchangeable fact that she is in her 30s. While this age might seem positively sprightly in some professional circles, it is practically Paleolithic by Hollywood standards and the roles she covets most just do not seem to be rolling in as they once did. But to her credit, Lynn maintains a somewhat unwarranted optimism that she will be in the spotlight again. She imagines her greatest chance at reemergence lays with a director whose early work she championed, and who has since risen in the ranks to become an artistic personality of note. His next movie is supposedly going to attract gobs of positive attention and despite being told that she is a full decade older than the film’s protagonist, Lynn chases the leading role all the same.

While she seems quite confident in her ability to secure the part through her acting skills alone, Lynn takes the extra step of adopting beautifying steps recommended to her by Evelyn Avery (Dawn Wildsmith), a strange woman who just sort of pops up in her backyard one sunny afternoon. Evelyn offers Lynn an injectable serum that is not yet available to ordinary consumers, and suggests that it is just the stuff she needs to revitalize her on-screen appearance. Lynn is not the least bit apprehensive about unfamiliar parties bearing unlicensed skin care treatments, and so she begins this newly offered regime in earnest. And while the product does, in fact, make her appear as she did a generation prior, Evelyn neglected to mention some of the treatment’s more noticeable side effects. Perhaps the most significant of these is that it gradually turns the user into a murderous alien monstrosity. And yet even with this highly unforeseen development, Lynn still manages to make the best of things, using her newfound lethality to wreak a terrible vengeance on the many disappointing men in her life.

I must admit that during my critical analysis of this most wondrous genre, I have come across a number of horror productions that seem preoccupied with presenting actresses in various states of undress. While I have nothing at all against the female form, there are times when films with a particular ardor for nakedness struggle to connect their sparsely clad content to the story as a whole. I am happy to report that Evil Spawn is no such film. Given that this is a story about reversing the cruel tide of time, it only makes sense that actress Bobbie Bresee would be frequently featured without clothing so that that members of the viewing public may observe her remarkable transformation as closely as possible. And of course, for reference sake, the bare bodies of other various female cast members are absolutely essential. These “control group” subjects are presented as a direct comparison to a body in the throes of transformation, a handy thing for any viewer with a scientific mindset. It is these thoughtful inclusions that separates Evil Spawn from films with a more ornamental approach to nudity.

Evil Spawn runs 70 minutes and does not possess a certified rating in the United States.