My dear readers, I would surely be exposing myself to accusations of unprofessional conduct if I were to venture off into my family history in the midst of an otherwise objective review but allow me to merely say that the Hauntedhouses have often had some reason to contest conventional medical wisdom. Though procuring cadavers by less-than-respectable means was a staple of early medical discovery, some of my antecedents showed an uncommon zeal for conjuring research materials and it caused them to butt heads rather regularly with other offspring of Hippocrates. At any rate, we have often taken to our own means for treating the various ailments that pop up here and there and have been almost entirely successful in our efforts.

Robert Bowery (Jason Martin) is also a strong supporter of alternative remedies and has determined that eating the eyes of young children might do his blindness a spot of good. As is often the case with non-traditional cures, the medical community frowns on this approach and to be honest the non-medical community isn’t particularly thrilled either. Though his actions manage to stir up quite the fuss at the time, a quarter century passes and Mr. Bowery’s medicinal buffet is reduced to the sort of campfire-style scare tactic that young children might employ. 

But he jumps back into view just in time to cause all sorts of problems for aspiring babysitter Helen Connolly (Cait Bliss) and her young ward Lucas (Colin Critchley). Lucas becomes thoroughly convinced that something has infiltrated his closet and though Helen is initially hesitant to believe the claims of an imaginative, horror-loving little scamp, the evidence of Bowery’s return eventually becomes irrefutable. Lucas is abducted and eyeless corpses of indiscriminate age appear, indicating that Bowery has extended his pallet in the 25 years since his headline-grabbing heyday.

Though the ocular gourmand is a novel presence, writer and director Erlingur Thoroddsen relies on more universal horror iconography for the bulk of his film. His debut feature utilizes creepy dolls, old legends, walls with photos of missing children and a hunched, one-eyed crone who knows all there is to know about blind old Mr. Bowery. This may all seem a bit “old hat” but I suspect that expending the bulk of the ingenuity on the film’s villain is Mr. Thoroddsen’s way of keeping himself in good condition. Clearly an artist with an eye on longevity, Mr. Thoroddsen does not strain his imagination too terribly so that he may be fresh for future projects. 

Child Eater runs 82 minutes and does not possess a certified rating in the United States.