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Elongated Enigma: Slender Man (2018)

My dear readers, aside from being able to grow a full mustache at the age of six, my physical development was never what one might call exceptional. As a younger lad, my hunched posture and sun-sensitive complexion made me a less-than-ideal candidate for certain sporting affairs around the old playground and more often than not, I was passed over entirely. While I tried to steel myself against the emotional fallout from various team captains rejecting me time and time again, I was not always able to erect an infallible emotional defense and when my guard came down, I would proclaim the exact moment and manner of their demise. It was a juvenile reflex, to be sure, but at that delicate age it was the only way I could ameliorate the bitter sting of refusal.

Some assembly required

Hallie Knudsen (Julia Goldani Telles) and her friends know just what it means to be left out, as they too are a bit sore after finding out that their male counterparts are off on some secret mission. The girls are absolutely bursting to know what gender-exclusive activity they’re missing out on and when they receive word that the fellows intend to summon Slender Man, they decide that any unholy communion that’s good enough for the boys is good enough for them. Many an occult expert has toiled away in mold-infested catacombs, scouring texts and memorizing incantations in the hopes of summoning such fantastical entities. Luckily for the girls, none of these efforts are required and a cursory internet search is all they need to sort out how best to contact this elongated enigma. 

The girls are quite surprised to discover that making contact with a sinister occult being bears some ill consequence. One of their rank disappears and in searching for her, the group finds that dismissing Slender Man is a bit tricker than the whole summoning business. It turns out this slim specter traffics solely in sacrificial offerings and he greatly prefers anything that the offerer happens to love. While our heroines initially assume that defacing a handful of sentimental knick knacks might do the trick, eventually it becomes clear that a more material sacrifice is required. This elicits some rather difficult choices, especially when Hallie’s sister Lizzie (Taylor Richardson) falls under the Slender Man’s hazardous spell.

Director Sylvan White’s preferred angle of approach

Anyone who has stumbled across the lore of Slender Man might have rightly assume that savvy horror financiers would see the cinematic potential of such a potent nightmare figure. Perhaps the most obvious aspect of his frightening allure is his stature, which is as slender as advertised and quite tall to boot. Director Sylvain White decides not to linger on Slender Man’s riveting frame and instead features him almost entirely in closeup, complimenting these unguarded glimpses of Slender Man’s featureless face with computer generated effects that are not quite on the cutting edge but still get the point across just fine. Though this representation may initially seem like a misstep, I suspect it is a canny move on Mr. White’s to limit the Slender Man’s exposure in what will surely be only the first of several cinematic outings. Now, thanks to a highly respectful introduction, this already sizable villain will have room to grow.

Slender Man runs 93 minutes and is rated PG-13 for disturbing images, sequences of terror, thematic elements and language and crude sexual references.